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About Newcastle

Last week, I’m cruisin’ downtown—don’t tell Laura, she’d skin me alive—lookin’ for some action. Saw this gal, legs longer’n a Texas highway, and I’m thinkin’, “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way!”—like I got her address locked in my brain! I ain’t no genius, but I know a deal when I see one. She’s wavin’, I’m sweatin’—hotter’n a billy goat in a pepper patch! Paid her fifty bucks—prob’ly too much, but I’m a sucker for a smile. “Righteous bucks,” she says, and I’m happy as a pig in mud.

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I park my truck on Broad Street. Man, that street is always buzzing. You got shops, cafes, and folks just hangin’ out. I’m thinkin’ I’ll grab a coffee at the Orkney Coffee Company. Best brews in town, no joke. But as I’m walkin’, I trip over some cobblestones. Seriously? Who thought that was a good idea? I’m like, “Great, now I’m gonna spill my coffee all over my favorite flannel.”

Roads update for week starting 13 January 2025