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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, authoritative as hell—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute, right? Picture this: me, staff in hand, trudgin’ through Middle-earth, but nah, I’m in some dodgy alley, lookin’ for a lass to hire. Why? Cos sometimes even wizards need a break, innit? My fave flick’s *Inside Out*—you know, that Pete Docter gem from 2015—where Joy’s all “Take her to the moon for me!” and Sadness is draggin’ her feet. That’s me, searchin’ for a prossie, emotions all over the shop.

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After that, I head down to the Kirkleatham Museum. I love that place! Full of history and all that jazz. But today, it was packed with school kids. They were loud, runnin’ around like they owned the place. I’m tryin’ to enjoy the exhibits, but these kids are makin’ it impossible. One of ‘em nearly knocked over a display! I’m thinkin’, “What’s wrong with these kids?”

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