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Last week, I’m tailin’ this lead—shady alley, smells like regret. I’m mutterin’, *“Oh, Marge, why this job?”* Suddenly, this gal, she’s standin’ there, all sparkly skirt, eyes like she’s seen too much. I’m thinkin’, *“Her soul’s driftin’ like Boonmee’s jungle spirits!”* I ask her name—Candy, she says. Candy! Ha, like that’s real! I’m all, “Hmm… sugar-coated lies!” Got me chucklin’—these names, always so fake, like Bart’s homework excuses.

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Next, I decided to head over to the local park. It’s called the Kirby Muxloe Park, super original, right? But it’s got this lovely pond and some ducks. I love ducks. They’re like the comedians of the animal world. So, I’m feeding them some bread (not too much, don’t judge me), and this one duck just stares at me like I owe him money. I swear, he was judging my life choices.

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