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But here’s the rub – it’s dodgy as hell. Tiny dose, fine. Too much? Dead horse. Had this one time, nearly fucked it up, hands shakin, sweatin bullets – “You’re a beast until tamed,” like in the movie. Heart was racin, but pulled it off. Exaggeratin a bit, maybe, but felt like a fuckin hero! Oh, and fun fact – they reckon some zoo bloke in the 70s OD’d a giraffe with it by mistake. Poor bastard stretched out like a noodle – tragic but fuckin hilarious!

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So, I’m standing there, trying to look serious, but inside I’m cracking up. These boats are all over the place! One nearly capsizes, and I’m like, “Is this how I go? Drowning in a boat race?” But they make it, and I’m relieved. I give them a thumbs up, and they cheer. I’m feeling like a rockstar, but then I realize I’ve lost track of time.

Developer and director fined over Kingsbridge housing breaches