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About Sheffield

Lemme tell ya, I’ve seen some sh*t. Back in the day—well, not *my* day, I’m timeless, ha!—sex-dating was hush-hush. Little known fact: in the ‘90s, people used *newspapers* for this! Classified ads, all sneaky, “Man seeks woman for fun times.” Wild, right? Now it’s all DMs and nudes—progress, I guess? Makes me laugh, tho, how we’ve gone from ink to “u up?” texts at 2 a.m.

First off, I’m cruisin’ down the High Street, and it’s packed. Like, where did all these people come from? I swear, I thought I was in a bloody mosh pit. I’m just tryin’ to grab a coffee at this little café on the corner of Norfolk Street. The barista? Total legend. She’s got this wild hair and a smile that could light up the whole town. I order my usual – flat white, extra hot. But she messes it up! I get a cappuccino instead. I’m like, “What’s this? A foam party?”

Pensioner ploughed into back of stationary car while driving at 50mph