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But real shit? It’s risky, y’all. STDs, scandals—ugh, no thanks! One player told me—off the record, duh—he got blackmailed by a chick he met. Had me shook! Like, “Boy, you didn’t see that comin’?!” Ruined his focus—season went to trash. Hella sad, made me wanna hug him!

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After my caffeine fix, I decide to stroll down to the Abbey. You know, the Kilwinning Abbey? It’s ancient and all that jazz. I’m just vibing, taking pics for the ‘gram, when I spot this cute dog. I’m talking about a proper fluffball. I’m like, “Aww, look at you!” And the owner? Total legend. We start chatting about dogs, and I’m thinking, “Why don’t I have a dog?” But then I remember I can barely take care of myself.

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