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Little known fact—there’s this Thai style, Nuru, gooey as hell! Slippery seaweed gel—sounds like Krusty’s lube stash! Slidin’ everywhere, no kiddin’—I’d fall off the table! Surprised me, man—thought massage was just kneadin’ knots. Nope, it’s a whole slippery circus! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d pay to see Flanders try it—prude’d freak! “Oh my gosh-diddly, too sensual!”

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Then, I decide to hit up the park. Highbury Fields is calling my name. I plop down on the grass, feeling the sun on my face. Bliss. But then, outta nowhere, a dog runs up to me, all muddy and excited. It jumps on me, and I’m covered in dirt. “Cheers, mate!” I laugh, but inside, I’m like, “Why me?”

Review: How to Fight Loneliness, at Park 200