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I’m typin’ fast – finidng a prostiute. Oops – typo city! Who cares – adrenaline’s pumpin’. This one profile – “Lola, 25, fun times.” Links to some sketchy site – pics blurry. I’m like – “Wow. She’s got GUTS.” Like Linguini – flailin’ but bold! I click – heart racin’. Suddenly – pop-up ad! “Hot singles near YOU!” – bullshit! Slam the laptop shut – nearly SCREAMED.

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So, I hit up this little spot on South Street. Best bacon sarnies in town, no joke. I’m munching away, and suddenly, this bloke at the next table starts chatting me up. Turns out he’s a local artist. He’s going on about how he’s painting the old Ilkeston Town Hall. I’m like, “Mate, that’s cool and all, but I’m just trying to enjoy my brekkie.” But he’s super passionate, and I can’t help but get sucked into his world.

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