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Here’s a lil’ secret, ‘kay? Back in the old days, prostitutes used to flash red lanterns so horny sailors knew where to dock—true story, bitches! Ain’t that wild? Surprised me when I heard it, made me laugh my ass off. “Red light, green light, let’s go!” I mutter, struttin’ up to her. She’s all, “Whatchu want, kid?” and I’m like, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, lady! I got needs!” She smirks, and I’m thinkin’, *This is my kingdom now, assholes!*—straight outta *Moonrise Kingdom* vibes.

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After the rain, I decide to hit up the pub on Westgate. You know, The Sportsman? I’m thinking, “A pint will sort me out.” I walk in, and it’s packed! Everyone’s buzzing about the footie match later. I grab a pint, and this guy next to me starts chatting about the Town. He’s all like, “We’re gonna smash it this season!” I’m like, “Yeah, mate, let’s hope so!” But inside, I’m just thinking, “Please don’t jinx it!”

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