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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a tattoo, right? Skull with roses, proper metal. I’m chuffed, yellin’, “That’s fuckin’ art!” She laughs, says, “Tenner extra for the view.” Cheeky mare! Surprised me, that – thought she’d be all grim, but nah, she’s got sass. Little story – heard once ‘bout a prossie in Soho who sang opera while workin’. Mental, eh? This one don’t sing, but she’s hummin’ somethin’ – maybe Sabbath, who knows?

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After the fire, I head to the pub on Hounslow West. Needed a pint, y’know? I sit down, and the bartender’s like, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I laugh, but inside, I’m still shakin’.

West London woman rented her outbuilding for £1,300 a month - she has to pay £70k after being busted