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Precious, yesss, a Kvasnik I am! Me thinks about findin’ a prostitute, eh? Nasty business, tricksy streets, but ohhh, the colors! Like “Far From Heaven,” see? All pretty on top, rotten underneath—*“It’s all so perfect!”*—hah! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it! Walkin’ down alleys, dark, stinky, lookin’ for a lass. Not the shiny ones, nah, too pricey. I’m talkin’ the real ones, y’know? Been around since forever—fact is, oldest job ever, innit? Even Romans had ‘em, lupanars they called ‘em, wolf dens! Howlin’ good time, eh?

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So, I head over, and guess what? The barista is this super chill dude. He’s got this wild hair and a smile that could light up the whole of Hoddesdon. He hands me my coffee, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re a lifesaver!” He laughs and says, “Just doing my bit for humanity.” I mean, how can you not love that?

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