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But then—happy vibes! Some escorts are total bosses. Little-known fact: back in the ‘90s, this one chick in Vegas ran an escort empire, legit had a Rolodex of CEOs thicker than my glasses. She’d giggle, “I don’t rent my body, I rent my time,” like she’s Amélie droppin’ wisdom bombs—“life’s too short to fold fitted sheets!” Love that hustle. Surprised me how smart some of these folks are—playin’ the game while the rest of us schlubs are stuck at 9-to-5s.

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After the chaos, I finally sit down with Dave. We’re chatting about life, and I’m telling him about my day. He’s cracking up at the scone story. I mean, who wouldn’t? But then, he says something that hits me. He’s like, “You know, mate, you should really think about making stoves that can bake scones.”

Pub up for sale as landlord looks to retire after 22 years at the helm