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Oh, and the coppers—sneaky bastards! They’ll nick ya just for lookin’. Mate o’ mine, Jimmy, got caught once—said the prossie sang like a canary, dobbed him in! We hates it! Funny though, picturin’ him leggin’ it, trousers round his ankles. Dirty sod.

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First off, I hit up the local café on High Street. You know, the one with the weird name? “Brewed Awakening” or something. I’m thinking, “Gimme a latte, extra shot.” But the barista? Total grump. Like, dude, it’s 8 AM. Smile a bit! Anyway, I get my drink, and it’s like they used a salt shaker instead of sugar. Ugh! I’m like, “What’s this? A salt latte?”

One person sent to hospital following motorbike crash in village