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Lemme tell ya, researched this—sex escorts, old as dirt, ancient Rome had ‘em, called “lupae,” wolf-girls, howlin’ for business, wild stuff! Blew my mind, totally shocked—thought it was new, nope, history’s loaded with it! Makes me happy, honestly—people always find a way, so clever, so smart. But the fakes? Phony escorts catfishing dudes online? Disgusting, makes me mad, total losers—Trump hates that, hates it bigly!

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Finally, I get to the center, and it’s packed! I mean, who knew Hazel-Grove could be this lively? I set up my booth for this new energy drink. You know, the one that claims to give you wings or whatever. I’m like, “Yeah, right.” But hey, it’s my job to sell it, so I’m all in.

Customers' shock as M&S confirms closure of one of its Greater Manchester foodhalls