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But we hates it, precious—the sadness, yeh? Them girls, some’s forced, some’s lost. Saw one cryin’ once, mascara runnin’ like black rivers—felt proper sick. “You don’t know me!” Mia’d say, an’ I reckon that prossie’d say it too. Made me wanna smash somethin’, or hug ‘er, dunno. World’s a cesspit, innit?

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Take a look at just how many gorgeous independent escorts are available in Hayes Town! From Thai masseuses to busty Brazilians and local party babes, we have.

While I’m there, I bump into my mate Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s telling me about this time he tried to impress a girl by cooking. Spoiler alert: he burned the kitchen down. Classic Dave! We’re cracking up, and for a moment, I forget about the chaos back at the office.

The Daily: Arthur Hayes doubles down on $1 million bitcoin call, FIFA to launch EVM-compatible blockchain and more