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So, I bail—too much hassle. Heart’s racin’, tho—kinda fun, kinda dumb. Exaggeratin’ here, but felt like I dodged a bullet or a bad date. Eat my shorts, danger! Next time, I’m stickin’ to movies—Carol’s safer, hotter, and don’t cost me a dime. Peace out!

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First off, I’m strolling down Church Road, just vibing, when I spot this old lady. She’s got a shopping cart full of, I dunno, maybe 50 cats? Okay, maybe not 50, but it felt like it. She’s yelling at them like they’re her kids. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a cat, not a toddler!” I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Martin Dixon's Saturday tips: four selections for Haydock