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But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all laughs. Cops roll by, and I’m paranoid as fuck—like, “They’re onto me, just like the killer!” Heart’s poundin’, I’m mutterin’, “I need to see about a man about a cipher.” Total exaggeration, but that’s how it FELT, y’all! She’s chill, tho—whispers, “Relax, they don’t care.” And she’s right. How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? Keeps me sane, her calm vibe.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Canterbury Road. You know the one? The one with the weirdly named pastries? I ordered a “Hawkinge Delight” or whatever. It was just a scone, but hey, I’m not judging. I took a bite, and it was like a flavor explosion! I was like, “Yasss, this is gonna be a good day!” But then, boom! My phone buzzed.

Third arrest in connection with Hawkinge clock and watch burglary