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Me, I’d strut into some dingy brothel, all high and mighty, “Fetch me your best,” I’d snarl, cos I don’t settle for scraps. Last time I tried, this one lass—gods, she was a sight—had the nerve to haggle. Haggle! With *me*! Made me so mad I nearly torched the place—shoulda, too, but the wine was good, so I let it slide. “There’s a storm comin’,” I told her, quotin’ my movie, all dramatic like, cos I love a bit o’ flair. She just blinked, dumb as a post. Useless.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in my flat on St. Albans Road, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be a good one.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

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