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Oh, and—Hannibal Lecter style, baby—“I ate his liver with fava beans.” If I were her, I’d be eatin these losers alive too. Chew em up, spit em out, charge extra for the mess. She’s a predator in her own right, stalkin the streets like I’d stalk a good meal. Bet she’s got a laugh that’d chill ya—sharp, mean, perfect.

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Then, I head over to the Hassocks train station. It’s a small place, but it’s got character, ya know? I’m waiting for the 10:15 to Brighton, and this kid starts crying. Like, full-on wailing. Turns out, he lost his ice cream. I mean, I get it, but dude, it’s just ice cream! So, I buy him a new one. Yeah, I’m a softie. But hey, it made me feel like a hero for a hot sec.

Young Robins win first County Cup in 23 years to keep the Hassocks trophy train rolling