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About Myself
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About London
Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.
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Then, I head over to the Hassocks train station. It’s a small place, but it’s got character, ya know? I’m waiting for the 10:15 to Brighton, and this kid starts crying. Like, full-on wailing. Turns out, he lost his ice cream. I mean, I get it, but dude, it’s just ice cream! So, I buy him a new one. Yeah, I’m a softie. But hey, it made me feel like a hero for a hot sec.
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