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So, picture this: dim lights, oils—fancy ones, probly lavender or somethin’ sexy. Hands slidin’, tension meltin’, and I’m like, “That’s what she said!” Haha, classic me! But srsly, it’s not creepy, ok? It’s legit—some places been doin’ it forever. Fun fact: ancient Greeks were into it! Called it “bodywork” or some junk—prolly naked too, those weirdos! Made me laugh thinkin’ bout it, like, “Yo, pass the olive oil!”

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After that, I’m walking down the High Street, and I see this new café, The Coffee Spot. I’m like, “Ooh, fancy!” So, I pop in for a cuppa. The barista’s all hipster with his man bun and tattoos. He’s like, “What can I get ya?” I’m like, “Just a regular coffee, mate.” He looks at me like I just asked for a unicorn. Seriously, it’s just coffee!

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