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Dunno, it’s wild – you’re there, hagglin’, feelin’ like a right twat. “There’s no band, no sound,” like the club scene, all fake an’ empty. Exaggeratin’ fer effect, maybe, but it’s a bloody circus! Me fave bit? When they eyeball ya, sizin’ ya up – pure Mulholland madness. Reckon I’d rather watch the film again than deal with that chaos, haha! What d’ya think, mate? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – fuckin’ bonkers, innit?

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Sam. He’s like, “You won’t believe this! The old mill on Helmshore Rd is getting turned into luxury flats!” I’m like, “What? That place is a dump!” But hey, gentrification, right? I can already see the hipsters sipping lattes there. Ugh.

This is why a Haslingden road was closed through the night