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So, picture this—I’m cruisin’, late night, down some gritty street. Not sayin’ where, c’mon, I ain’t that dumb. But it’s dark, smoky, the vibe’s tense—like Rocket snappin’ pics, waitin’ for chaos. I’m thinkin’, “Joe, what’re ya doin’, man?” Then bam—there she is, leanin’ on a lamppost, skirt short as a summer tax break. I’m like, whoa, this ain’t no Hollywood movie, folks! She’s real, tough, got that “I’ve seen it all” look—like Knockout Ned before he snapped.

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After that chaos, I get a call from my boss. He’s all, “We need to talk about the budget.” My heart drops. Budget talks are like watching paint dry. I’m thinking, “Can’t we just throw money at it and hope for the best?” But no, we gotta sit down at the café on the corner of Hartshill and Boulton.

Section of major Stoke-on-Trent road to close for around four days