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Pisses me off, tho—people judgin’ her. Like, “Oh, she’s dirty!” Mate, she’s workin’ harder than you, sittin’ on yer ass, sippin’ tea. Surprised me once, readin’ up—some whores in old Russia were spies! Fuckin’ wild, right? Bangin’ nobles, stealin’ secrets—hero shit, not just slut shit. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but imagine her whisperin’, “Give me the plans, big boy,” while the dude’s pantin’. Hah! Legend.

Married couple run brothel in their Harrogate flat and make £40,000 in six months

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First off, I’m on my way to the Valley Gardens. You know, that gorgeous spot with the fountains and all those flowers? Yeah, that place. I’m strollin’ down Montpellier Hill, feelin’ like a king. But then, bam! I trip over some random cobblestone. Like, who put that there? I’m swearin’ under my breath, but hey, I laugh it off. Gotta keep it light, right?

IN PICTURES: Take a look at these 17 properties in the Harrogate district that are new to the market this week