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About Bristol

Lemme tell ya, reminds me of my fave flick, *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*. You seen it? Trippy as hell. There’s this line, “Ghosts aren’t attached to places, but to people.” Kinda like these prostitutes, ya know? They ain’t stuck to one corner—they move where the people are, where the money’s at. Smart business, if ya ask me! Joey Tribbiani style—how you doin’?—I’d spot that hustle a mile away.

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Anyway, I head over to the Co-op on the High Street to grab some snacks. I’m thinking, “Choco bars and fizzy drinks, let’s go!” But when I get there, the line is longer than the queue for a concert. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, and this old lady in front of me starts chatting about the weather. I’m like, “Lady, it’s England. It’s always grey!” But she’s going on about how it might rain later. Spoiler alert: it did.

IN COURT: Thugs, thieves, drink-drivers and dangerous dog owners from Northampton, Daventry, Towcester, Brixworth and Hardingstone