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So yeah, I’m ramblin’—prostitutes, movies, whatever. I’d probably suck at findin’ one, too nervous, too loud. “This is ridiculous!” I’d shout, stompin’ off. But if I did? Man, I’d haggle like Malik tradin’ cigs in jail—“Ten euros, take it!”—and then brag, “Pretty, pretty good deal!” Total chaos, total me. Whaddya think—am I nuts or what?

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We grab a pint, and I’m tellin’ Dave about my day. He’s laughin’ at the butty incident. I’m like, “It was tragic, mate!” We end up talkin’ about music, life, and all that deep stuff.

Guisborough Town FC volunteers help club survive burglaries