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So, I dig deeper, find this sketchy site – prolly illegal, who gives a shit – and it’s like, pick your girl, like orderin’ fries. I’m happy as hell, “I’m in, like Flynn!” – wait, that’s not from the movie, whatever, screw it. Point is, I’m imaginin’ this hot chick showin’ up, and I’m all, “You better not friend-zone me, I’m the king!” Kinda like when Eduardo got screwed, “You better lawyer up, asshole!” – but I ain’t payin’ extra, no way.

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Studies that compare indoor prostitutes with nonprostitutes find that they have similar levels of self-esteem, physical health, and mental health. Many.

But then, I see this little girl, maybe six or seven, with her dad. She’s got this huge smile, holdin’ a daisy. She runs over, hands it to me, and says, “For you!” Aww, man, my heart just melted. I’m like, “Thanks, love! You just made my day!”

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