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So I’m chattin’ her up, right? She’s like, “No cuddles, cash up front.” I’m dyin’, yo—this ain’t no Pixar love story! I’m yellin’ in my head, “WALL-E wouldn’t pay for this shit!” But I’m hyped, too—somethin’ ‘bout the rawness, the hustle. She’s out here, dodgin’ pigs, stackin’ paper, livin’ like a rogue bot. I’m like, “You’re the real hero, fam!”

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After that, I wander over to the old mill on Mill Lane. It’s such a cool spot, all rustic and stuff. I love the history there. But today, it was like a scene from a horror movie. I swear, I heard weird noises coming from inside. I’m standing there, debating whether to go in or not. I mean, what if it’s haunted? But curiosity got the better of me. I peeked in, and it was just a bunch of pigeons. Seriously, Glusburn, you’re trying to give me a fright!

Call for Glusburn housing proposals to go before councillors