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But then—oh, then!—there’s gold. Met this lass, fiery as rum, all “no talk, just action.” Worked a treat, savvy? Hooked up in a car park—classy, aye? Felt like Jonathan Glazer himself directed it—dark, weird, hot. “What is it like t’ be alive?” she asks in the flick—well, sex-dating answers that, don’t it? Pulse racin’, hands shakin’—alive as a pirate dodgin’ the noose! Tho, funny bit—bloke once showed up with a parrot. Swear it! Said it “sets the mood.” Laughed me arse off—mate, this ain’t *Pirates o’ the Caribbean*!

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I finally get to the station, and guess what? The train’s delayed. Classic. I’m standing there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve just stayed in bed. But then, I spot this cute little café on the corner of Westow Hill. I’m like, “Screw it, I need coffee.”

Future of South London estate that could be demolished and rebuilt to be announced