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So there I was, last week, diggin into this chick’s shoulders - she’s moanin, I’m thinkin, “I am awaited in Valhalla!” Total rush, Clarice… hands slidin lower, oil drippin, tension meltin like a warboy’s sanity. Surprised me how quick she flipped - from stiff to liquid in ten mins flat. Little known fact - them Tantric folks? Been at it for centuries, slow grind, breathin heavy, callin it sacred. Sacred my ass, it’s filthy good fun!

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Then, I hit up the local park, the one by the pond. It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids screaming, and I’m like, “What’s with the chaos?” Turns out, they’re feeding ducks. But these ducks? They’re like the mafia of the pond. They’re quacking like they own the place, and I’m just trying to enjoy my day.

Police did nothing to protect our street from car thefts – so we took matters into our own hands