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Last week, I saw this dude—total sleaze—hagglin’ with a girl like she’s a market pig. Made me mad, ya know? I’m Loki—I don’t vibe with disrespect. Wanted to zap him into a toad, but I’m keepin’ it chill. Flipped her double the cash instead—felt good, heroic even, for a sec. Surprised me how much I cared. She smirked, called me “pretty boy”—ha! Me, pretty? I’m a goddamn trickster god! Still, kinda liked it—ego boost, ya feel?

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Finally, I grab my stuff and head to the park. You know, the one near the Friern Barnet Library? It’s got this nice vibe, people chillin’, kids playin’. I plop down on a bench, takin’ a breather. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, kickin’ a ball. And bam! The ball hits my bag. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I look up, and the kid’s just laughin’. I can’t help but chuckle too. Kids, man. They’re wild.

Candidate statement: Naz Panju