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Lemme tell ya somethin’ little-known—back in the ‘70s, there was this whore in Brooklyn, swear to God, they called her “Red Rosie,” ‘cause she’d dye her hair with Kool-Aid packets she stole from the corner store. True story! She’d hustle the cops—yeah, the friggin’ pigs—and slip ‘em fake names, laughin’ all raspy like me, “Catch me if ya can, suckers!” Got away every time ‘til some snitch ratted her out. Ballsy as hell, right? Reminds me of Mia dancin’ in that abandoned flat— “What’s your problem, huh?”—that’s what Rosie’d say, spittin’ in their faces.

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As I’m walkin’, I bump into an old mate from school. We start catchin’ up, and he tells me he’s movin’ away. I’m like, “No way! Where to?” He says he’s off to Brighton. I’m like, “Brighton? You’ll miss Friern-Barnet, mate!” But he’s all excited. I get it, change is good and all, but still, it’s a bummer.

Candidate statement: Naz Panju