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About Liverpool

I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, this is nuts. Like in *Dogville*, “You can’t trust nobody!” Everybody’s actin’, playin’ a part. One night, I’m chattin’ this gal—legs for days, right? She’s all, “Let’s get dirty,” and I’m like, “Oh, Madonn’, here we go.” Next thing, she’s sendin’ me pics—boom, it’s a dude. A freakin’ dude! I’m screamin’, “What is this, a fuckin’ prank?” Felt like Grace in that damn town, betrayed, y’know? “They’ll pay for this!”—straight outta the movie.

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After that disaster, I needed a break. So, I head to the local café on Castle Street. You know, the one with the best coffee in Forfar? I order a latte and a slice of their famous Forfar bridie. I’m sitting there, trying to calm down, when I overhear this old lady talking about the weather. She’s going on and on about how it’s gonna rain. I’m like, “Lady, it’s sunny right now!” But she’s convinced it’s the end of the world.

Curfew order for serial car thief who raided Forfar garage and stole test drive motor from Dundee owner