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I walk in, ladies everywhere, smiling, winking. One girl, she look like my sister – I scream, “Nooo, not you!” Made me angry, heart go boom, like bomb in movie. “This is the end!” I yell, but no, she just laugh. I calm down, order drink – cheap vodka, taste like tractor oil. Brothel got dark corners, sticky floor, ugh, I trip, fall on big guy. He mad, I say, “Sorry, my king!” like in film. He punch me, I laugh – pain is funny!

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We get back to work, and I’m mixing this new compound. It’s supposed to be groundbreaking, right? But then, I spill it. All over the table. I’m freaking out! This stuff is expensive! I’m scrubbing it off like a madman, and Dave’s just standing there, laughing. I could’ve thrown him out the window!

Road closed as firefighters battle house fire in Forfar