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About Newcastle

She weren’t no cliché, tho – no fishnets or fake lashes. Wore this ratty jumper, looked knackered. Little fact fer ya: some o’ ‘em, back in old London, paid taxes! Bloody taxman didn’t care where coin came from – “We all gotta eat!” Made me chuckle, thinkin’ o’ me, hunched over ledgers, while she’s dodgin’ coppers. Stupid, fat hobbit! Missin’ the real story. She told me once – yeah, I chatted her up, curious git – said she’d been a nurse! Lost her job, NHS cuts, boom, pavement life. Gutted me, that did. “What’s your core competency?” – I’d ask, like Toni’s dad, takin’ the piss.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from a guy who’s stuck in traffic on the A338. He’s ranting about how the roadworks are a nightmare. I mean, I get it, but dude, it’s Fordingbridge! It’s not like you’re in London! I can’t help but chuckle a bit. “You’ll get through it, mate. Just breathe!”

Country house dating back to 16th century opened to the public