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But den—ugh—dis creep comes up, tryin’ to muscle in. I’m pissed, shoutin’, “Back off, dis is my dance!”—like dat line, “I’m dragging myself across da floor!” Movie vibes, ya feel me? He scrams, and I’m laughin’, coz I’m Gru, king of da block! She smirks, says, “You’re weird, big guy.” I’m like, “Yah, and you’re da end of da world, lady!”—dat’s Melancholia talk, heh.

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, I get a call from a guy who’s convinced he saw a UFO over the river. I’m like, “Really, mate? A UFO in Fordingbridge?” But he’s dead serious. “It was bright and shiny!” I’m rolling my eyes, but I play along. “Sure, buddy. Maybe it was just a drone.”

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