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About Leicester
Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a barista? Nah, I’m Gollum, sneaky-like, slingin’ coffee, watchin’ folk. Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is—makes me skin crawl like them tricksy hobbitses stealin’ me ring. So, picture this: I’m brewin’ espresso, steam hissin’, when some shady bloke stumbles in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me, “Where’s the ladies at?” I’m like, “We serves lattes, not lassies, ya twit!” He don’t get it—dumb as a sack o’ rocks.
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Back at work, things get even wilder. We’re doin’ a team-building exercise, and I’m supposed to lead it. I’m nervous, but I give it a go. We’re playin’ this game where you have to pass a ball around while saying your name and a fun fact. I’m tryin’ to keep it light, but then this one guy, Dave, says his fun fact is that he once met a celebrity. I’m like, “Who? The Queen?” Turns out, it was just some random footballer. Classic Dave.
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