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So, I’m thinkin’, “One last night to howl,” like Monty says. I’d be nervous, sweatin’ like a pig – D’oh! – prolly trip over my own feet. Maybe I’d spot one, leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’ a cig. “Hey, sugar, need a date?” she’d purr. I’d be all, “Uhh, yeah, sure!” Heart poundin’, palms sweaty – excitin’ but scary, ya know? Reminds me o’ Monty’s panic, that “I’m outta time” vibe. “This life came so close to never happenin’,” he’d say. Deep, right? Almost makes ya feel bad for the gal.

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So, I grab a pasty instead. Not the same, but it’ll do. I’m munchin’ on it, and I spot this old bloke, right? He’s sittin’ on a bench, lookin’ like he’s seen it all. I swear, he’s got stories. I wanna ask him about the good ol’ days, but I’m too busy tryin’ to not choke on my pasty.

Former doctors’ surgery, Indian restaurant and expansive farmland latest to go under the hammer