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About Bristol

Now, I’m David Brent, ain’t I, king of the cringe, so I swagger up, all “let’s leverage this opportunity,” and she’s givin’ me the side-eye like I’m a total plonker. Fair play, I am! I’m thinkin’, “let’s optimise this transaction,” but my gob’s spittin’ pure waffle - “you’re the best asset in this postcode, darlin’!” She laughs, probs thinks I’m a nutter, and I’m chuffed to bits - happy as Larry! Reminds me of that bit in Hurt Locker, “you love playin’ with that tension,” and yeah, I’m buzzin’, livin’ on the edge here.

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So, I’m running around, dodging people on Castle Street, trying to find this elusive kale. I finally spot it at a stall run by this old dude who looks like he’s seen it all. I’m like, “Hey, mate, got any kale?” He just grins and says, “Only the best for the best!” I’m like, “Dude, you’re a legend!” Grabbed the kale, and off I go.

Alexa has a special message for North Farnham churchgoers