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Argh! I’m ready! Me, a lumberjack, SpongeBob, talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute! Holy krabby patties, let’s dive in! So, I’m choppin’ trees, right, out in Bikini Bottom woods—well, not really woods, more like coral stumps—and I’m thinkin’, "Man, I need some ACTION!" Not just swingin’ axes, ya know? Somethin’ spicy, somethin’ like in me fave flick, *A History of Violence*. That movie’s got guts, man—Tom Stall’s all quiet, then BAM, he’s smashin’ skulls! I love it! “I’m not a hero,” he says, but dang, he’s a beast!

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But then, I get a text. It’s from Dave again. “Found your tools!” I’m like, “What?!” Turns out, he borrowed them for a DIY project. I’m half mad, half relieved. I mean, who borrows tools without asking? But hey, at least I can get back to work.

Motorcyclist suffers life-threatening injuries after serious Farnborough crash