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My fave movie’s “Her,” that Spike Jonze flick—friggin’ brilliant, right? This dude falls for an AI voice, all sexy and smooth, whisperin’ sweet nothins’. Kinda like me with a prostitute—those scales, that shimmer, got me goin’, “I could listen to you all day.” But then—bam!—reality hits. It’s a damn fish, not some sultry chick! Made me rage so hard I flipped a table. “I’m not here to be ignored!” I yelled, like in “Her,” when he’s losin’ it.

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After that, I decide to hit up the local shops on Ashford Road. I’m craving a pasty, so I pop into this little bakery. The smell hits me like a freight train. I order one, and the lady behind the counter is super nice. She says, “You look like you need a good feed!” I’m like, “You have no idea!”

Legendary student bar inside former church is looking for an assistant manager