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Where d’ya even start, eh? Web’s crap for this—X posts all “ooh, hot babes near ya!” Lies, lies! Gotta hit the grime, the real spots—truck stops, dive bars, y’know? Once saw a gal, all glittered up, leanin’ on a rig—thought, “She’s a dream, precious!” But nah, real as me sores. Asked her, “How’s biz?” She goes, “Better’n your stink!” Cheeky lass, cracked me up!

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After that, I decided to hit up the shops on Evington Lane. Big mistake. I walk into this little thrift store, and it’s like a time capsule. I’m talking 80s clothes, old vinyl records, and a weird mannequin that looked like it was judging me. I found this hideous sweater. I mean, it was so ugly, it was kinda beautiful? I had to buy it. Evington fashion, am I right?

Mini profile: Popular Leicester village store relaunches under new ownership