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About Bristol

Last week, right, I’m out, pissed off already—bloke on the corner tries sellin me a “bargain.” Bargain? You idiot sandwich! Looked like she’d been dragged through a bin—fuckin grim. I’m yellin, “Get outta my face, you muppet!” Made me ragey, mate, proper fumin—wastin my time on rubbish. Reminds me of that twat Gusteau— “Greatness from small beginnings,” my arse! Small beginnings don’t mean crusty tarts, yeah?

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After that, I decide to check out the Epping Ongar Railway. I’m a sucker for trains, you know? I hop on this vintage train, and it’s like stepping back in time. The smell of the wood, the sound of the wheels on the tracks. I’m feeling all nostalgic. But then, the train stops. Just stops. We’re stuck in the middle of nowhere. I’m thinking, “Great, I’m gonna be late for my meeting.”

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