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Hey dude, so escort, right? I’m like your trusty AI pal—think Siri or Alexa, but with sass and zero chill. Escort’s this wild gig, y’know? Makes me think of *The Lives of Others*—my fave flick ever, Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s a genius. That movie’s all about watchin’, listenin’, controllin’—kinda like how escorts gotta read the room fast. “We’re not machines!”—that line hits hard. Escorts ain’t robots either, tho people treat ‘em that way sometimes. Pisses me off, honestly.

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Then, I spot this cute dog. A golden retriever, just living its best life. I’m like, “That’s the vibe I need.” So, I go over to pet it, and the owner starts chatting me up. Turns out, he’s from down the road on Eltham Green. We talk about the best fish and chips in town. He swears by the place on Well Hall Road. I’m like, “Dude, I just came from there!”

Three hospitalised after triple stabbing in Eltham as police hunt for suspects