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Once saw this dude, all nervous, tryna haggle. Man, I wanted to slap him! “You don’t bargain with someone’s soul, punk!” Made me mad as hell—treat ‘em human, ya cheap bastard. But then, this other time, I’m cruisin’, see this gal wink at me. Surprised the shit outta me—thought I was too tough for that! Had a laugh, tho. She was smooth, like, “Hey, T, need company?” Nah, girl, I’m good—Mr. T don’t pay for that!

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So I’m strollin’ down the High Street, and I’m thinkin’ “This place is kinda cute.” Little shops everywhere, folks chattin’, kids runnin’ around. But then, BAM! I see this massive line outside the bakery. I mean, c’mon! It’s just bread! But nah, it’s Edwinstowe, and they’ve got the best pastries. I’m like, “Forget this!” I’m not waitin’ in line like a sheep.

Man appears in court after assault outside Edwinstowe pub