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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout findin a prossie! We shall fight the dark alleys, we shall storm the neon-lit streets, like ol’ Winston facin the bloody Nazis! Picture this – me, a jockey, ridin through life, and bam, I need a lass for the night. Mulholland Drive’s in me head, all twisty and weird – “This is the girl!” – that line haunts me, y’know? I’m cruisin, lookin for that dame who’s got the mystery, the danger, like Naomi Watts stumblin into some freaky shit.

The most idyllic places are actually havens for people who like to do the dirty in public

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Anyway, I shake it off. I’m like, “Whatever, I’m a shearer. I can handle a lil’ water.” So I pop into this café on Edenbridge Road. Best coffee ever! I order a flat white, and the barista? Total legend. He’s got this wild hair and a smile that could light up the whole town.

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