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Fun fact, tho – didya know way back, like ancient Rome times, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out? Wild, right? Ruby’d laugh at that, prob’ly say, “Blonde wig? Bitch, I’d rock it!” She’s got humor, y’know, keeps her sane. I’d see her crackin’ jokes with the other girls – “Who needs a pimp when ya got attitude?” – and it’d make me grin, coz damn, that’s guts.

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After what feels like an eternity, the lift starts movin’ again. We hit the ground floor, and I’m feelin’ like a hero. But then, I step out, and it’s pandemonium. Fire trucks everywhere, sirens blarin’. Turns out, it was just a drill. A DRILL! I’m standin’ there, covered in sweat, and I’m like, “You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me!”

Irish Cup final: 'Hard luck' stories turned into success by historic Dungannon Swifts win