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So, I’m stumblin’ downtown, 3 a.m., buzzin’ off cheap vodka—prostitute quest ON. Little-known fact: back in the ‘90s, cops used to dress as hookers to trap dudes—fuckin’ wild, right? Imagine me, hollerin’ at some chick, “Hey, baby, you workin’?” and it’s Officer fuckin’ McGrady. I’d lose my damn mind, laughin’ and cryin’, “This is my fate!” like the dad in “The Return” when shit hits the fan.

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the Dunblane Cathedral. It’s stunning, man. The architecture is just wow. I was snapping pics like a tourist. I mean, I live here, but I can’t help it! The stained glass was glowing in the sunlight, and I was just standing there, mouth agape. Then, outta nowhere, this old dude comes up to me. He’s like, “You know, they say the cathedral’s haunted.” I’m like, “Great, just what I need—ghosts judging my art skills.”

Dunblane father calls for hotline to report concerns about gun owners