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About Newcastle

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m a charcoal burner, sweatin’ my ass off daily, and lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prostitute—ain’t no picnic! Judge Judy style, baby—sharp as a tack, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!” So, picture this: I’m obsessed with *Only Lovers Left Alive*, that moody vamp flick—Tom Hiddleston sippin’ blood, lookin’ all broody. “This is far too much fun,” he’d say, smirkin’ at my dumbass quest.

Single Women Seeking Men in Dumfries, U2, United Kingdom

So, I start my day at the Crichton, right? Beautiful place, all those old buildings and gardens. I’m like, “This is gonna be a breeze.” But then, boom! My phone buzzes. A group of tourists is lost. Like, how do you get lost in Dumfries? It’s not that big! They were at the wrong end of George Street. I mean, c’mon!

In pictures: Carnival kicks off Big Burns Supper in Dumfries