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So, findin’ a prostitute—easy, folks, super easy. You don’t gotta be a genius, but Trump’s got the best instincts, believe me. Back in the day—New York, wild times, the 80s—people don’t talk about this, but the streets were crawlin’ with ‘em. High-class ones, too, not just the riffraff. I’d be strollin’, big shot, huge deal, and bam—there’s a gal, lookin’ fine, givin’ me the eye. “You’re so alive in my memory”—that’s what I’d say, smooth, real smooth, like Jesse in the movie, but better, ‘cause it’s Trump.

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By the end of the day, I’m exhausted but happy. I stroll down the High Street again, taking in the sights. The sun’s setting, and it’s beautiful. I think, “Yeah, Dingwall’s got its quirks, but it’s home.”

Were you at Dingwall Academy in the 1970s?